Depression

Looking Back at High School Blog 2: Depression

First of all, I want to say that this was as hard to write as last week’s blog, but for a totally different reason. Last week was about friendship but in a different way it was all about me, this time I’m trying to express myself, and my point of view, but I’m trying to do justice to a friend who deserves it. So, I’m about to take an extremely serious topic on, and I only hope that I can do it justice because it’s been a major facet of life in the last four years and I think it should be addressed instead of ignored.  Let’s jump right in with depression.

Well this may start at the climax because I’m going to first talk about one of my best friends, that will be called J at his whim since I refuse to use names, who knows better than I ever could about this extreme feeling. So given whatever number and quality of factors J entered a state of Major Depression. Anybody that has taken a psychology class or has done research knows just how truly devastating Major Depression is and that is truly a huge deal. This form of depression is incredibly showing both to the person who has it and the people around. It can lead to things like unhappier temperaments, darker thoughts, even a shift in taste of music and possibly even style. J of course showed signs of his being in this state and anybody paying attention could see how deeply affected he was. What was worse is that it could hurt other people, it had the ability to, this is terrible for so many reasons, one is that people who have problems should have their friends helping them, and in my opinion that may be a major key. I think that J kind of felt isolated from many other people that he once felt close to, losing sanctuaries and supports that everybody knows. I was still in his confidence so I got a pretty good idea of what was going on, but I was not the friend that I should have and can be. I learned that the best that anybody around somebody who is hurting especially a friend who is in dire straights, as anybody undergoing major depression should be considered, is to not be the friend that you want to be, but the friend that they need. You want to be a pillar or a bunker to hold up, or protect your friend. I feel like if I had been the friend J needed he may have had an easier time. Now obviously I’m not going to blame myself or anybody else for J’s plight, it happened and the best thing we can do as anybody in the picture is to not look back on what hurts, but to look forward, at the beauty of tomorrow.             

This sounds easy but it is easier faked than done. J actually did a wonderful job of maintaining a generally normal demeanor despite what he faced. But this is actually sad because the best thing to do when you’re in trouble is to reach out to those in a position to help, responsible friends or family members. That too is much more easily said than done. Facades are probably the most dangerous thing a person can maintain, sure you can hide behind it, but others need to see though it. J was fortunate enough to see this and was willing to confide in me some of his worst feelings. This put me in an uncomfortable position, one that, looking back, I am extremely happy to be put.  As I said at the beginning I have no clue what torment J really went though, but I got an idea and I could try to help. My goal was to push him to talk to his parents and try and get them to help him out, because parents are the people who really care about you more than anybody else possibly could, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. I did not however tell his parents myself, that was a hard decision, if I told his parents maybe they could have helped him out quickly and be the support for him, on the other hand I would be betraying my friend’s trust in me, when I knew he valued me for it. This decision to not intervene was probably the one thing I regret, I feel it may have been better to lose a friend’s trust or maybe even the friend because he may have gone through less hurt that way in the end, and maybe even eventually I would gain forgiveness. I will never know the outcome of this however. The good news is despite my relative passivity, which could very well be seen as terrible friendship J got help, and despite the fact that depression is not a thing simply removed is stronger and in a happier, healthier mental state.            

The other thing that happened was by my essentially not talking about my friend’s state I kind of started to internalize that mental state, take some of the weight on his shoulders, again I could never know what he went through. I was in an extremely dark mental state however and I definitely had a more negative mindset; moving towards lethargy, and sadness. Now this sounds kind of awful, but it is something that happened and I move forward from it looking back and knowing it made me stronger and it has helped me learn a lot about myself. I realize now more than ever the strength of one word that could help anybody, faith; faith in oneself, faith in others, and faith in God. I’ll, hopefully, touch heavily on this point and word on my future blog on Faith and God.

Since this episode, which lasted much of a school year, I have found that I believe I may have some form of Seasonal Affective Disorder, which is to say during certain seasons and particular weather sets I become unhappy, tired, and generally inactive. I have no proof I have this but during weather particularly days where the sun is blocked out and there is a form of precipitation, usually in the late fall and winter months, I have a lot of these symptoms. These may also largely be a factor of moving around, moving is not a topic I want to touch heavily on yet since I will either make a blog about it, or integrate it with music (which is more likely and could be particularly cool) but needless to say moving is considered one causing factor.

I just want to say that though issues like that I can think of J, he went through so much worse and remained so very strong through it, and I know that I can get through it.

So depression is rampant, statistics show ten percent or more of all people in the United States will at least undergo minor depression, if not major. So the important thing I want to put out there is despite any problems and hurt particularly pertaining to forms of depression, you can get through it and you are not alone and that you can get help; and if a friend is going through depression then you need to be there for them no matter what, this is to point out also that depressed friends are different than cancerous friends mentioned in the Friendship blog.

If you’re still reading then I get to take this moment to thank you, this could be a kind of sad blog, but I want you to look at this and be happy, every one of you is amazing, and I absolutely mean that. If you’ve ever been there for me thank you, seriously, and I say thanks on J’s behalf as well.

Thanks for reading.

Other Blogs/Blogs to come

Friendship

Music

Faith and God, Something Beautiful

Friendship Part 2 (maybe)

Being Relentlessly Positive

Looking Forward Onto the Future