Depression

Looking Back at High School Blog 2: Depression

First of all, I want to say that this was as hard to write as last week’s blog, but for a totally different reason. Last week was about friendship but in a different way it was all about me, this time I’m trying to express myself, and my point of view, but I’m trying to do justice to a friend who deserves it. So, I’m about to take an extremely serious topic on, and I only hope that I can do it justice because it’s been a major facet of life in the last four years and I think it should be addressed instead of ignored.  Let’s jump right in with depression.

Well this may start at the climax because I’m going to first talk about one of my best friends, that will be called J at his whim since I refuse to use names, who knows better than I ever could about this extreme feeling. So given whatever number and quality of factors J entered a state of Major Depression. Anybody that has taken a psychology class or has done research knows just how truly devastating Major Depression is and that is truly a huge deal. This form of depression is incredibly showing both to the person who has it and the people around. It can lead to things like unhappier temperaments, darker thoughts, even a shift in taste of music and possibly even style. J of course showed signs of his being in this state and anybody paying attention could see how deeply affected he was. What was worse is that it could hurt other people, it had the ability to, this is terrible for so many reasons, one is that people who have problems should have their friends helping them, and in my opinion that may be a major key. I think that J kind of felt isolated from many other people that he once felt close to, losing sanctuaries and supports that everybody knows. I was still in his confidence so I got a pretty good idea of what was going on, but I was not the friend that I should have and can be. I learned that the best that anybody around somebody who is hurting especially a friend who is in dire straights, as anybody undergoing major depression should be considered, is to not be the friend that you want to be, but the friend that they need. You want to be a pillar or a bunker to hold up, or protect your friend. I feel like if I had been the friend J needed he may have had an easier time. Now obviously I’m not going to blame myself or anybody else for J’s plight, it happened and the best thing we can do as anybody in the picture is to not look back on what hurts, but to look forward, at the beauty of tomorrow.             

This sounds easy but it is easier faked than done. J actually did a wonderful job of maintaining a generally normal demeanor despite what he faced. But this is actually sad because the best thing to do when you’re in trouble is to reach out to those in a position to help, responsible friends or family members. That too is much more easily said than done. Facades are probably the most dangerous thing a person can maintain, sure you can hide behind it, but others need to see though it. J was fortunate enough to see this and was willing to confide in me some of his worst feelings. This put me in an uncomfortable position, one that, looking back, I am extremely happy to be put.  As I said at the beginning I have no clue what torment J really went though, but I got an idea and I could try to help. My goal was to push him to talk to his parents and try and get them to help him out, because parents are the people who really care about you more than anybody else possibly could, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. I did not however tell his parents myself, that was a hard decision, if I told his parents maybe they could have helped him out quickly and be the support for him, on the other hand I would be betraying my friend’s trust in me, when I knew he valued me for it. This decision to not intervene was probably the one thing I regret, I feel it may have been better to lose a friend’s trust or maybe even the friend because he may have gone through less hurt that way in the end, and maybe even eventually I would gain forgiveness. I will never know the outcome of this however. The good news is despite my relative passivity, which could very well be seen as terrible friendship J got help, and despite the fact that depression is not a thing simply removed is stronger and in a happier, healthier mental state.            

The other thing that happened was by my essentially not talking about my friend’s state I kind of started to internalize that mental state, take some of the weight on his shoulders, again I could never know what he went through. I was in an extremely dark mental state however and I definitely had a more negative mindset; moving towards lethargy, and sadness. Now this sounds kind of awful, but it is something that happened and I move forward from it looking back and knowing it made me stronger and it has helped me learn a lot about myself. I realize now more than ever the strength of one word that could help anybody, faith; faith in oneself, faith in others, and faith in God. I’ll, hopefully, touch heavily on this point and word on my future blog on Faith and God.

Since this episode, which lasted much of a school year, I have found that I believe I may have some form of Seasonal Affective Disorder, which is to say during certain seasons and particular weather sets I become unhappy, tired, and generally inactive. I have no proof I have this but during weather particularly days where the sun is blocked out and there is a form of precipitation, usually in the late fall and winter months, I have a lot of these symptoms. These may also largely be a factor of moving around, moving is not a topic I want to touch heavily on yet since I will either make a blog about it, or integrate it with music (which is more likely and could be particularly cool) but needless to say moving is considered one causing factor.

I just want to say that though issues like that I can think of J, he went through so much worse and remained so very strong through it, and I know that I can get through it.

So depression is rampant, statistics show ten percent or more of all people in the United States will at least undergo minor depression, if not major. So the important thing I want to put out there is despite any problems and hurt particularly pertaining to forms of depression, you can get through it and you are not alone and that you can get help; and if a friend is going through depression then you need to be there for them no matter what, this is to point out also that depressed friends are different than cancerous friends mentioned in the Friendship blog.

If you’re still reading then I get to take this moment to thank you, this could be a kind of sad blog, but I want you to look at this and be happy, every one of you is amazing, and I absolutely mean that. If you’ve ever been there for me thank you, seriously, and I say thanks on J’s behalf as well.

Thanks for reading.

Other Blogs/Blogs to come

Friendship

Music

Faith and God, Something Beautiful

Friendship Part 2 (maybe)

Being Relentlessly Positive

Looking Forward Onto the Future

Friendship

Before jumping into the blog, this may have references to facebook which is where I started writing this, sorry for not editing them out if they exist.

Looking Back On High School Blog 1: Friendship

If you saw my previous status about this blog series that I’m going to be writing, I intend to take a subject and then write my thoughts about it as I look back through high school, as hindsight is 20/20 I hope I can give some good ideas on life and the different subjects I run over. Additionally, this will have very little in the way of editing, I’m almost completely doing this in one shot, if it’s incredibly long, so be it, just don’t read it if you don’t want to, no flak from me about it. Without further preamble I present part 1: Friendship.

So, the introduction actually lied, this is my second thought because to say I thought the first attempt was terrible… would be completely accurate, so this a first shot at a second attempt.

I think friendship is a powerful force that can be one of the greatest benefits to a human being. I headed into high school with a number of good friends that I had from middle school. These friends became a kind of inner circle who I felt comfortable with and trusted.  Long friendships like this, at least for me hold more weight than a short, even if wonderful, friendship; my rational behind this is that a trust and strong bond can only ever truly come from time. Thus a majority of the people who I most closely associate with, I have known for more than the four years of my high school career.

Strong friendships that we carry with us for a long time are brilliant in their benefit to everybody. In one case these people provide a sanctum of sorts, a place where you feel safe and accepted, but one of the biggest personal benefits for me was being a sanctum, there is something in human nature, a trait that God wants us to keep going strong, where we want nothing more than to know that somebody depends on us and we know we can provide that place for them, a true friend has this desire towards protection, it’s one of the fundamental pillars of friendship: having each other’s back. One of the awful problems is that sometimes friends may not always be there for each other and I think this can be dangerous for the friend who’s vested interest in the relationship is unreciprocated, I’ll touch further on this in a later edition.

Along with these strong pre-high school friendships I also developed some of the best, honest friendships of my life with people who I’ve met as I’ve entered into high school my freshman and sophomore years. This led me to wonder some interesting questions. One to which I have not reached the root of is, “when did this go from being friendly to having a wonderful friendship?” As far as I can tell you never really see it but at some point something becomes a true friendship, it’s odd, but beautiful. Another question, which is much harder to answer, yet simultaneously so much simple to answer, was, “who are my true friends?” That probably sounds like a question that can only be answered by deep introspection and analysis, here’s the thing, my friends have shown me the difference between who you want and don’t want to be around.

You want to be around the people who are you can be absolutely comfortable around, who will listen to and consider your words seriously, and who will end up laughing until they cry with you at the dumbest thing. That sounds cheesy and cliché, right? That’s because it is, but those are positive aspects in a good friendship, it’s about being comfortable and positive. You don’t want to be around people who are cancerous, all they do is sap you of energy and bring you down for whatever reason. When you have a person who is only a negative, then cut them out of the equation, you don’t need that kind of person around all the time, and enablers of this attitude that brings you down are also cancer cells. Now obviously you shouldn’t shut these people out, they may reach a time where they need you, and everybody should try and be the kind of person who is willing to help other people out. I’m also going to touch largely on this idea in a future part.

This section, I’m actually going to dedicate to family. Family is the number one place to find friends, in most families; the qualities needed for a strong friendship have existed, for years. I think that if one doesn’t see what amazing friends family member make, they need to try to develop these bonds. I'm thankful for all my family, immediate and extende, you guys are boss.

I want to touch on new friends; I’ve become pretty solid friends with a number of people who I’ve met this last school year. Now my bonds with these people I feel may not be as strong as with older friends, I’m still learning about these people so it’s to be expected honestly. I’ve been seeing some of what I’ve learned over the earlier years to make decisions, I avoid friction and frustration, and neither is good for any party involved. But I’ve also become more willing to try and find middle grounds with people while being unmoving from my moral ground and personal ideas, I feel I’ve become a much more accommodating good friend style person. This could be a result of my junior year in Ohio, I will touch on what I mean by this in greater detail in a number of other sections, but to touch on it briefly, it was a year with very little in the way of social contact outside of school, and I now value greatly friendship and what it means to give a little.

A shout out also needs to be given to friendships that have survived separation, this is impressive and I know that as we all head into college we will find that many friendships will disappear with time, I would even dare say it will be a short span of time, but to have friendships that last years without seeing each other, that’s something true and amazing and I only hope I am good enough to be worth having these great friendships with more people.

If you made it to the end I thank you, it’s awesome to just throw some thoughts down. I’m just going to run down a few of the parts I will be doing in the future and I have no clue how long any of these may be cause this is all about winging it, please feel free to respond and leave constructive criticism if you want to talk about anything I’m always available, whether you consider me friend or not.

Future Topics (in a likely but not guaranteed order):

Music

Depression

Faith and God, Something Beautiful

Friendship Part 2 (maybe)

Being Relentlessly Positive

Looking Forward Onto the Future

  I hope you notice that I’ve mentioned things that could relate to these topics, that’s because I’m trying to keep all these things all intertwined. And I want to say that my first attempt at writing this was trash and nothing like this and I’m still not sure I even said what I initially set out to say, oh well. I think I presented a positive idea and hopefully didn't completly misrepresent myself and what I stand for and believe, but that'd be silly an awesome in a terrible ironic way, now to the next section.